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Caryn found herself staring at the birthday card on her bedroom dresser. Her mind; once again, racing through the series of events that transpired ever since it arrived at her job. The card itself was not very special. It was quite plain. The most generic of coloring with even more generic text. On the outside it simply read “Happy Birthday”. On the inside, it read “Make A Wish”. Nothing about it stood out… except the actual handwriting within the card.
The penmanship was phenomenally dull looking. In fact, quite academic. As if it was the same font children were taught to use when first learning to write. The message within was simply “Happy 35th” and nothing else. No signature. No name. No indication of whom it came from. Even the envelope the card came in had the exact same style of handwriting. With no return address either. It was a great mystery, and whomever sent it went out of their way to make it extremely untraceable. Something that made her even more drawn to it than any other trinkets and cards she received on her birthday.
Caryn continued down the rabbit hole, thinking about what came after the card. In the weeks that followed her birthday, she found herself Facebook stalking someone. Someone from her past. An ex boyfriend from over a decade ago. An ex boyfriend she looked up many times over, continuously hesitant to reach out to him. Concerned over his reaction if he received anything from her. Even a simple friend request. Until one day; after much prayer and feeling nothing left to lose, she sent him a friend request. A day later, her heart jumped into her throat.
Dash: Hey
He didn’t accept the friend request. But he did send her a message. With little hesitation, she replied.
Hi
Dash: How are you?
What followed was a couple of hours of trading dialogue through Facebook Messenger. In that time they covered a handful of things. Prominently their jobs. Their lifestyles. And recent events in their lives. Eventually they both needed to get some sleep, their professional lives overruling their chat. So they agreed to continue the next evening.
The next day at her job wasn’t enjoyable and when her and Dash started messaging each other, she gave him her phone number. Feeling it was better to simply talk rather than type out all the events of the day. Caryn’s heart skipped another beat when her phone went off. Dash was actually calling her phone. She was actually going to hear his voice for the first time in over ten years. What followed was a very uplifting experience for her. And for him, as she later found out.
The duo spent over six hours on their phones, vocally playing catchup over more and more events in their lives ever since they separated. Caryn felt rather surprised to know their lives were almost mirroring each other. After their breakup, both individuals got into a very life altering relationship. Dash got into an engagement that didn’t last. Caryn moved almost a thousand miles away from home to be with a man who turned out to be a total slacker. Even worse, she stayed with him longer than she should have. Not wanting another relationship of hers to be deemed a failure. Having already spent a few years with another man prior to her relationship with Dash.
Another similarity was their parents. A few years ago Caryn lost her mother. She learned Dash lost his father almost six months prior. Both took their time to express their condolences. Followed by the rather humoring truth that her parents hated Dash. And his parents loathed her no less. A sentiment that came into existence following their rather ugly breakup.
That subject came up as well, but only after discussing their beginnings and relationship. Having started as friends while in college, she and Dash met during a period when she was already in a relationship. Her boyfriend at the time was arguably one of the worst humans in existence. He transformed her very being. Robbing her of her humble smalltown roots and turned her into a nearly emotionless gothchick with a personality to match. Some time later, she met Dash. A young freshman who grew up near the university and worked hard to restore her inner light and joy. The two quickly became best friends.
During that friendship, the two grew very close to each other. So close that a single shared kiss between them would lead to dating. But both of them respected the relationship Caryn was already in. Her boyfriend; however, was less honorable. And the atrocities she experienced because of him caused her to develop a great discomfort towards anything ual. In fact, his forceful ways almost destroyed her from having any physical desires. There was also the physical and mental abuse. Something she excelled in shrouding with her own regular clumsiness.
Eventually, Caryn and her boyfriend separated. But her experiences turned her cold and cruel. From that, she lashed out towards people who didn’t deserve her anger. Including Dash. Which led to them not speaking to each other for many months. During that time, Caryn dropped out of college and moved back to her hometown. The two finally reconciled and confessed having feelings for each other. Which led to them having their own relationship.
The relationship was quite enjoyable with Dash continuing to bring her happiness and an actual experience of feeling loved. She moved back to the city and reenrolled at the university. They spent as much time as possible together. Doing what couples do and trying to make the most of everything. But her previous relationship caused some strain in their intimate moments. Dash was very understanding, never being pushy with what was attempted/allowed. She was tremendously comforted by how wonderful he was to her. Something Caryn truly appreciated, though she struggled with being able to show it.
But her insecurities created from the previous relationship; as well as other factors, eventually started to cause issues in her relationship with Dash. After two years of being together, things took a turn for the worst not long after they graduated. The pair found themselves arguing more and more. Time spent together felt less and less enjoyable to the point of sheer annoyance. A trend that continued until they finally decided to break up. A choice made after she wrongfully told Dash he was never good enough for her.
After enduring another failed relationship miles away from home, Caryn found herself deeply reflecting on events in her life. On the subject of Dash, she realized that even though he wasn’t the perfect man, he was honestly the one who treated her best above the others. The “Wild Card” as she called him, standing out more than her other boyfriends or any man she attempted to date throughout all her years. And that night; after six hours on the phone, she finally worked up the courage to apologize to him for everything he endured because of her.
The apology was rather cathartic for the both of them. Which led to further discussions about their relationship. Things they enjoyed. Things they missed. Things that went wrong. And things they wish were done differently. But time had escaped them and the two agreed to speak again the following night. Prior to hanging up, Caryn commented about wanting to tell Dash about her “stalker” when they spoke again.
The next night, the two called each other again and immediately jumped into a conversation about Caryn’s alleged stalker. She informed Dash of the mysterious birthday card, and how she couldn’t help but feel drawn to it. Considering how random it was. How it stood out among anything she received on her birthday. Then she got the shock of the year as Dash confessed to mailing her the card.
She immediately felt butterflies in her stomach. Torn between creeped out and feeling like the universe was bringing them back together. To what ends remained unknown. Naturally, she demanded answers to why Dash sent her the card. He responded with little hesitation.
Caryn soon learned of the turmoil Dash underwent at the start of the year. From having lost a parent, to having fallouts with other important people in his life. As well as various other incidents that were bringing him down. And through all that, he developed the idea that if he did something good for someone then maybe he would receive some good karma in return. At the time, Caryn had been on his mind for quite a while and he remembered her birthday was approaching. After over a decade of being separated, he never forgot the date. So he decided to mail the birthday card, but didn’t want anything traced back to him. Worried Caryn would have been upset with him, given how ugly their relationship ended.
Truth revealed, she understood where Dash was coming from about wanting good karma. She wanted the same which led to her sending the friend request a month later. From there, the conversation became less and less tense and much more lighthearted. After that night, the two developed the habit of talking on the phone every evening for many weeks.
Turning away from the birthday card, Caryn walked in front of a mirror and started dressing herself for the evening ahead: a simple loose red shirt and slimfit Levi blue jeans, and a pair of white velcro strapped sport sandals. It wasn’t a fancy attire, but it was most definitely comfy. Something she was encouraged to wear for the night.
As she got dressed, Caryn’s mind wandered again. Remembering more events that lead up to that evening. She and Dash were speaking on the phone every night for many weeks. Almost two months in total. But they were very curious why. Both of them gained the closure they apparently needed after Caryn apologized for being the source of their problems while together. But was there something more? After enough time passed, and realizing how similar their lives had turned out, maybe that was the case. Eventually, the two started flirting with the idea of maybe a second chance together. The thought often created a little smile on her face.
Caryn’s thoughts were interrupted as her phone alerted an incoming call. It was Dash. She almost dropped her mobile device while trying to answer it. Taking extra care not to damage her recently manicured nails.
“Hey,” she grinned “are you almost here?”
“I’m about ten minutes away. I think. I haven’t driven to your hometown in forever.” Dash responded.
“Well if you get lost, call me. I can get you here.”
“I’m sure you could. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Cya!”
Anxious to finish getting ready, Caryn returned to the mirror. Having grown up a tomboy, she almost never saw herself as having feminine beauty. When her one ex boyfriend turned her into a goth, she lost even further sight of that idea. But as she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt a great deal of confidence in her appearance. Her dark brown hair was styled nicely, ending at her shoulders. Her slender frame was well balanced from head to foot. Her small breasts were the appropriate size for a woman of her petite height and build. She was even pleased with how her recently pedicured toes matched her fingernails. Something she knew would be appreciated if noticed.
Minutes later there was a knock at the door. Caryn rushed over and opened it, the sight on the other side was very breathtaking. On her porch was Dash, handsome and stoic. But behind him, in the evening sky, was the glimmer of the Aurora Borealis. She could actually see it with the naked eye. The land in her front yard was also glowing, caused by the supermoon high above. A part of her wanted to get Dash’s photo to immortalize the moment.
“Hi, CareBear.” he smiled.
“CAREBEAR! OH MY GOD! It was you!” Caryn shouted.
“What? What about me?”
Caryn walked around her porch, responding to the question.
“It has been on my mind off and on for years. Who used to call me “CareBear”. It was you! This whole time it was you.” she laughed.
“Happy to make you smile.” he replied, his tone more of concern for her sanity.
“It was a cute nickname.” she reassured.
The two approached each other and; for the first time in forever, embraced in a somewhat awkward onearmed hug. The kind shared between buddies. It seemed appropriate. They were both nervous. And they knew it might be a long road before fully getting back to how they used to be so many years ago.
“So, you ready to go?” he asked a few seconds after.
“Yeah, lemme grab my jacket first.”
“Alright.”
Retrieving her jacket, Caryn and Dash approached his truck. Always the gentlemen, he opened the passenger door for her like he used to. Something she never forgot. Soon after, they were on the road and headed toward the best restaurant Caryn’s small town had to offer. It wasn’t any place special. A simple steak diner that didn’t belong to any conglomerate chain. But to the people of her township, it was their New York Tavern on the Green. Their Tanta Chicago. Their Spago Beverly Hills.
Caryn and Dash once ate there many years ago, when their relationship was fresh and new. The first meal they shared in her hometown, far from their college half a state away. Neither could remember what they ordered, but suspected they would coincidentally request the same meal again. Before and after receiving their food, they continued to discuss many things. Mostly casual stuff until the conversation became a bit more subjective. Starting with how many relationships they had, followed by how many unsuccessful dates they endured. And then…
“Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked.
“Of course,” he answered.
“How many women have you… slept with?”
She could immediately tell the question surprised him, but he seemed capable of answering.
“Not that many.” he responded.
“Liar.”
She watched Dash steel himself before answering the question.
“More than ten. Maybe closer to fifteen if including just foreplay and not actual .”
Caryn lowered her eyes to her plate, acknowledging she was among those extra “undocumented” numbers. She felt a little upset by that, remembering some of the hardships they faced during their relationship. Especially with intimacy.
“What about you, since you brought it up?”
The brunette stalled her answer, running her fork through her food.
“Just three, by your standards.” her remark sounded almost spiteful. “The one before you, then you, then the one after you. Unfortunately, I never found enjoyable. So I never bothered to try anything with the guys I briefly dated between all three of you. At this point, I don’t think I’ll even bother having again. Not unless the man I’m with puts a ring on my finger. Even then, I doubt I’ll be able to enjoy it.”
Both man and woman held their breath for a few seconds when she finished. Unsure where to take the conversation next. Caryn silently cursed herself, believing she once again ruined things between them because of her lack of a filter. But it was Dash who broke the silence first.
“I know was a rather touchy subject for you. I’m guessing it still might be. I remember everything you told me about… him, and what he put you through. And because of that, I am sorry if I ever made you feel”
“No! Wait, stop, stop.” she interrupted “You were honestly the best guy I had a relationship with. The Wild Card like I said. But because of how messed up I was at the time, I kinda’ regret that we dated. Because things were rather unfair to you. I know you’re a man, I know you have needs. And at times, yes I enjoyed doing the things we were doing. What I allowed us to do. But you never made me feel uncomfortable about it. Never made me feel obligated like the other two did. So please, don’t ever doubt yourself about that.”
From what she could tell, her remark seemed to comfort her ex boyfriend. It wasn’t a lie. He was very patient with her. And she did enjoy what pleasure he tried to give her. Even if she never climaxed. Something that eluded her from her days of puberty well into adulthood. Whether while alone or with a partner, getting to orgams was something foreign to her. Something she gave up believing she’d ever experience. But at the rarest of times she did wonder exactly how enjoyable an actual orgasm would be.
They spent the remainder of their meal in a type of awkward silence. Any comments made were about the food and if it was enjoyable. But as their plates emptied as their stomachs filled, Caryn grew concerned about the mood shared between them. And quickly hoped something would come up to relieve the tension.
Her hopes were manifested when she heard a familiar rattling sound coming from Dash’s pocket. The brunette noticed him retrieve a packet of mint flavored Tic Tacs, shaking two of the white minicandies into his palm.
“Can I get a few?”
“Yeah.”
Dash slowly slid the packet across the table towards her. His movements made it feel like he was passing a secret love letter rather than a small container of mints. Packet in her hand, Caryn shook three mints into her palm. Then brought her hand to her mouth for her tongue to receive the zero calorie sweets. Just as she started to taste the mint, Caryn started giggling almost uncontrollably. It caught Dash’s attention, leading him to almost question her sanity.
“What?”
Caryn’s giggles turned into a full burst of laughter, causing him to ask again.
“What? What’s funny?”
The slender brunette calmed herself enough to finally respond.
“Ddo you remember whwhen we first started dating?” she questioned, he nodded. “And do you remember what we used to do when we made out?”
She could see the wheels spinning behind his eyes. Searching deep in his memories to answer the question she laid before him. When he finally found it, his reaction was similar to her recalling the nickname he gave her all those years ago.
“Oh my god!” his response matched hers word for word.
A large smile grew upon Caryn’s face, knowing exactly what was running through Dash’s mind. When they first started dating; while making out, they would improvise a game of “Keep Away”. The object was a singular TicTac. The rules; if any, were simple. Keep the mint out of the other person’s mouth using only tongues while kissing. The game would end when the TicTac was accidentally swallowed or crushed. There never was a winner.
“Do you remember how many times you kneed me in the balls doing that?” Dash questioned with enthusiasm.
The remark almost made Caryn spit one of the mints from her mouth and onto Dash’s face. He wasn’t lying. Whenever they were making out, he was often on his back with her lying on his chest. While playing their “game”, she would get a little too competitive. Causing her body to move more than necessary and inadvertently ram her kneecap into Dash’s groin. She would always feel awful when it happened. But that was followed by more hysterical laughter than she could withstand. Getting to remember something so embarrassing; and yet so comical, was exactly what was needed to further break the tension of their earlier conversation. Not ready to leave, the two continued to discuss stuff about themselves.
“What’s something very interesting you learned about yourself?” Dash asked, causing Caryn to think for a moment before responding.
“When I was a kid, I used to enjoy going to church. Then I got into college and stopped going, you obviously know why.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I felt the need to start going back after all of my relationships failed. And other setbacks in my life. Figured getting closer to God would be beneficial. To tell the truth, I prayed many times over looking you up on Facebook and deciding if I wanted to send you that friend request. Anyway, after joining the church I go to now, I found out I’m not a bad singer. And occasionally participate with the church choir.”
ero
