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AUTHOR’S NOTES:
This is an entry in the WINTER HOLIDAY 2024 CONTEST, so I’d really appreciate it if you could take the time to leave a score.
This features my recurring character Matt (a muscular, wellhung, twentysomething addicted male exhibitionist) doing the press rounds for his new Christmas nude calendar, and getting it on with Aussie radio superstars Mel Tracina and Jackie O.
This features CFNM, a malefemale scene, a public handjob, and cunnilingus. This is a complete work of fiction. All characters are over eighteen.
I am endeavouring to gradually write a CFNM “Oz Beach Boy” in every Literotica category. This entry: “Celebrities & Fan Fiction”.
It was a humid, rainy December day in Sydney Australia. I was in bemused shock. There it was…finally…right in my hands: my very own nude calendar, just in time for Christmas.
“What do you think?” asked Michelle Grant, the chief creative officer at Harrington Press Publishing. “I know we sent you through some test images, and you looked at dummy prints here in the office a couple of weeks back, but it’s a little different when you’re holding the actual calendar in your hands…the one that’s going on the shelves…the one that all those women will be ogling.”
“Yeah, it feels more real now,” I responded. “Now I know it’s really coming out and people will see it.”
“We’re hoping that lots of people will see it,” Michelle said with a laugh, her lively blue eyes sparkling. “We hope lots of people buy it too…lots of women. We want the ‘Very y Santa All YearRound Calendar’ to be a big hit this Christmas. We want it under every tree! Or more likely hidden away somewhere!”
“That would be better, yeah,” I said.
I looked down at the now famous image of me on the cover of the calendar. The previous Christmas, a fullfrontal nude photo of me with my face hidden in sunglasses, a Santa hat, and Santa beard went viral around the world, and, for a time, I gained a surprising level of bizarre anonymous fame as the ridiculously named iest Santa Ever. [See Story: “Oz Beach Boy Vs Mariah Xmas Carey”]
The Santa hat and Santa beard afforded me something of a disguise, but I’d been recognised a few times since, particularly by various lovers. My friends, Jackson Monteith and Cole Kinkade, had given me goodnatured hell about it. My onetime foster sister, Darby Hamilton, thought it was absolutely hilarious.
It was a pain in the arse, but it was also incredibly exciting and arousing. I’d had some extraordinary ual experiences thanks to my momentary fame as The iest Santa Ever and the viral photo that went around the world.
Even for me, the whole scene was completely and utterly bizarre and profoundly mindblowing. I have had what could safely be described as a truly offthewall life, and being The iest Santa Ever was its hot, seamy, whackedout pinnacle of weirdness. But now, that was perhaps even going to be surpassed.
Earlier this year, Michelle Grant at Harrington Press Publishing offered me the opportunity to star in my very own nude calendar. It was a nervewracking proposal, but I was just too perverted, narcissistic and ually curious to turn down the offer to star in the “Very y Santa All YearRound Calendar” for 2025.
Michelle Grant had suggested the name switch. She thought the “iest Santa Ever” not only sounded a little presumptuous and arrogant, but that it didn’t roll off the tongue with enough ease. It was determined from a marketing perspective that I would now be better off known as The Very y Santa. Hopefully, there was now no risk of previously y Santas feeling put out or upset.
Once I’d signed off on the idea, the “Very y Santa All YearRound Calendar” quickly went into production. It was immediately agreed that half of all profits made after production costs would go to charity, which made me feel a little better about the whole seamy deal.
The calendar shoot earlier in the year had been absolutely extraordinary. Shot by an allfemale crew led by beautiful fortysomething photographer and former model Ingrid Hansson, I’d had feminine eyes on my nude body for weeks.
On top of that, I’d also enjoyed a number of mindblowingly arousing encounters with the women on the crew during and after the shoot. [See Story: “Oz Beach Boy…Nude Calendar Star!”] It was one of the best ual experiences of my sordid life.
I looked down at the big, clear image for the month of January. There I was, lying on the beach, completely naked, totally full frontal, and covered in sand. My cock was fully exposed and perfectly positioned between my legs.
My head was tilted back so you very conveniently couldn’t really tell it was me. As with the initial iest Santa Ever viral image, the shots in the calendar were designed so you could never clearly make out that it was my face.
I would thankfully retain some sense of anonymity. If you knew what I looked like nude, however, you would very quickly be able to put two and two together and instantly identify me as the newly minted calendar boy. And, fortunately or maybe unfortunately in this case a lot of women have seen me naked.
Why? Well, I’m nearly always up for or anything adjacent. Though not officially diagnosed, I’m pretty much a raging addict. I’m a narcissistic Aussie male exhibitionist in my twenties who loves getting nude, preferably with women watching me. I spend hours training to get my body as ripped and muscular as I can, principally to attract as much female attention as possible.
I like to show off and put myself in potentially y situations whenever I can, particularly around Sydney’s many beaches and secluded coastal bays. I also frequently stroll around at night on busy weekends looking for action wherever I can find it.
I am constantly horny, and I’ve enjoyed a lot of kinky hookups in my time. [See Story: “Oz Beach Boy’s Exhibitionism Essay”] But even for a daring, desperate, highly active, addicted exhibitionist like me, a publicly onsale nude calendar represented a very big step into the sensual unknown.
“Geez, it’s certainly…out, isn’t it?” I said as I flicked through the calendar, hit with page after highly detailed page of me in the nude, my uncut cock on full display.
“Oh, yeah,” beautiful fortysomething Michelle Grant almost moaned, brushing a strand of long, blonde hair away from her perfectly madeup face. “It’s out alright.”
I looked down at the calendar and smiled. There I was, still naked but “dressed” as Cupid for Valentine’s Day for February; there I was again, getting ready to go for a surf at the water’s edge…in the nude; for Easter in April, I was wearing bunny ears and surrounded by chocolate eggs…barebutt naked; and come May, I was on the diving board of a swimming pool, preparing to go for a dip…with my dick out.
I certainly, however, had nothing to be ashamed of. Nearly every day, I thank the universe and my supremely wellhung American porn actor, bank robber, convict father [See Story: “Oz Beach Boy Looks For His Father”] for blessing me with an enormous penis, which has certainly aided me in my very kinky run of ual escapades.
“This calendar is going to be a hit,” Michelle Grant said, and gently popped the top buttons of her expensive silk blouse. “I just know it. The preorder numbers are fairly solid. Hopefully your charity will get a nice little bump from the sales.”
“That would be nice,” I responded. “That would make it worthwhile.”
“I’m really happy with the double calendar concept too,” Michelle said with a smile. “That will drive sales. It’s a winner…the whole ‘Naughty’ and ‘Nice’ thing. Some women like raunchy, fullfrontal nude photos, but others will prefer the more coy photos of you from behind, and with your leg raised to hide your penis. I like to give the buyers a choice…we’ve never done that before.”
“Yeah, I like it too,” I responded, and looked down at the far more restrained “Nice” calendar that sat on Michelle’s desk.
The arrangement was for the “Nice” calendar (which featured nude but not fullfrontal photos of me) to be sold in retail stores, and for the “Naughty” calendar (which I held in my hands, and was packed with very risque cockout pics) to be available only for online purchase. I agreed with Michelle that it was a great strategy in terms of sales.
“You’re so handsome, Matt, and your body,” Michelle cooed ily, and undid a few more buttons on her blouse. “And your…manhood. You’re so impressive. The women will love this. How could they not?”
“Thanks, Michelle…you’re very sweet,” I responded.
I continued to flick through the calendar. There I was, lying nude in a hotel room bed; there was my long, thick, uncut cock hanging out while I ridiculously played pool in a luxurious mansion; and there I was again, soaping up said enormous cock in the shower, suds smeared alluringly all over my wet, muscular body.
“We’ve organised some media appearances for you,” Michelle said, unpicking her last button, and gently wrenching her blouse out of her stylish skirt. “Things are quiet mediawise around Christmas, so I think you’ll get some traction…especially after all the attention you got last year. You owned Christmas in 2023! But no television per your request, just some major radio appearances.”
I wasn’t quite ready to go on television to promote the nude calendar. Even for an exhibitionist like me, that was just too much exposure. I would be too easily recognised if I was all over the TV, and that would become my whole life. Ironically, considering my lifestyle and ual kinks, I didn’t actually want to be a nude celebrity. I wanted to retain some form of anonymity.
“Oh, great,” I responded, and stared down at the calendar’s most risqué image.
For the winter month of July, I was sprawled out nude on a fur rug in front of a roaring fire. My right hand was wrapped suggestively around my flaccid cock, as if I was about to start jerking off. As with all the photos, my face was obscured, in this one through the clever positioning of my head. It was a very saucy image indeed.
“We’ll get you on with Mel Tracina on Nova, Carrie Bickmore & Tommy Little on 2Day FM…and, drum roll please, Kyle & Jackie O are really excited to have you back on the show too, which is great. They’ve got a huge audience…huge…nearly as big as your dick!”
I was particularly happy to hear the news about Kyle & Jackie O. When I went on the hugely popular radio duo’s show the previous Christmas to talk about the iest Santa Ever viral photo “phenomenon”, the gorgeous Jackie O actually sucked my cock beforehand in the guest waiting room, which was mindblowing. Needless to say, I was very, very excited to see the gorgeous 49yearold blonde again.
“Do they want me to do it in the nude again?” I asked.
“Kyle & Jackie O, yes, they want you completely naked…the other shows just want you in your Very y Santa outfit,” Michelle replied.
“Okay, cool,” I said with a smile. “So, shirt off? And shorts?”
“Yep…and, of course, our friend Abbie Chatfield has agreed to do a little chat with you for her podcast,” Michelle said.
“Oh, great,” I said with a big smile. “I always have a good time with Abbie.”
TV presenter, podcaster, former radio host, and allaround gorgeous babe Abbie Chatfield is, in fact, I guess you could say, something of a “friend with benefits.” And yes, it still blows my mind every time I see her.
I saucily guested on Abbie’s y radio show a few times, and we’ve been having on and off ever since. When Abbie breaks up with a boyfriend, she often rings me for a rebound fuck…and I’m more than happy to oblige.
I knew that Abbie was currently hooked up with Adam Hyde, the singer from the band Peking Duk, so sadly our chat on her podcast would be just that: a chat…with no torrid afterwards. Either way, it was always nice to see Abbie; at least I could jerk off while thinking about her afterwards.
I continued to flick through the calendar while Michelle smiled at me wickedly. There I was, working out in the gym…without any gym wear…at all; there’s my cock again, hanging out on a boat in the ocean after I’d apparently been diving. And finally, there I was, hanging decorations on a Christmas tree…without my shirt…or my pants…or my underwear…cock hanging low. Raunchy stuff indeed…
“So, you’re happy with it?” Michelle asked, and then unzipped her stylish skirt from behind. “This is it, Matt…this is what the public will be getting. You’re going to own Christmas again!”
“Yep, it looks great,” I replied. “I love it. It will make for a very naughty Christmas gift for the ladies and the gays. You and your team have done a great job. Well done, Michelle.”
“We had a great subject,” Michelle said dirtily. “Your body and cock made it very simple for us. It’s the easiest Christmas calendar ever.”
I closed the calendar and finally looked long and hard at the now wholly familiar image of me on the cover…the iest Santa Ever viral image that started it all. There I was in classy blackandwhite, naked in the passenger seat of a 1970s Monaro wearing a Santa hat, sunglasses and a fake beard…and nothing else. Across the moody Christmas image in classy font were the words “The Very y Santa All YearRound 2025 Calendar.” It was happening…it was really happening.
“Well, as per tradition,” Michelle Grant said, and then stood up from behind her desk, “shall we seal the deal?”
With a dramatic flourish, Michelle let her skirt slide down her long, smooth legs and then tumble to the carpeted floor. The beautiful blonde fortysomething stood in front of me in just a black pushup bra and matching black gstring, which accentuated her curvy, womanly body and big, creamy breasts.
“Yes,” I replied with a huge smile, instantly recalling the fun I’d previously had with the delightful Michelle Grant. “How about cunnilingus this time?”
“Oh, Matt,” Michelle cooed, and then slid down her gstring to reveal her silkysmooth vulva, “you really are my kind of man.”
*******
My mini press tour got started a few days later. First up, I did the chat with Abbie Chatfield. Unlike my previous onair exchanges with the highprofile podcaster, I remained fully clothed the whole time…though we did talk a lot about me being nude. It was a fun, typically amusing chat.
“I see that your penis certainly hasn’t shrunk,” Abbie said while looking through the “Naughty” calendar. “This is a great use of your…gifts. It’s tasteful but still hot. I love it.”
Abbie’s beautiful blue eyes were alive and sparkling the whole time we talked. She was a lot thinner than when we’d first met, and I preferred her with curly hair, but Abbie Chatfield was very obviously still a gorgeous woman and, I’m embarrassed to say, I actually got an erection while we were talking in the studio.
“You look great, Matt,” Abbie said once we’d finished the podcast. “And this calendar? Holy shit, huh? You really look amazing. You’re just so…naked!”
“Thanks, Abbie, you look beautiful too…as always,” I said quietly, and there was a long pause, the ual energy literally coursing and pulsing between us.
“Oh, god, I’d like to fuck you right now,” Abbie said in a whisper, “but I really like what I’ve got with Adam at the moment. I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“That’s cool,” I responded. “I like that about you, Abbie. You do the right thing. The same rule always applies though…if it doesn’t work out, feel free to call me.”
“Thanks, Matt,” Abbie said, and then leaned in for a warm, sweet, notexactlychaste kiss, which I happily returned.
Abbie lightly brushed the back of her hand against my swollen member, and let out a little gasp when she obviously felt my erection. She pulled away slightly, and smiled up at me, her gorgeous eyes wide.
“Just checking you’re not upset with me,” Abbie said with a wink. “I think we’re still good, huh?”
“Always,” I replied. “Always…it’s there waiting for you whenever you want it.”
*******
Later on the same day I spoke with Abbie, I went into the studios of radio station 2Day FM to chat with popular hosts Carrie Bickmore and Tommy Little. Though blonde and cute, I didn’t really think I’d have any chance with fortysomething Carrie Bickmore. Though single, she didn’t seem like the sort of woman who would be into a younger guy like me.
Carrie and Tommy greeted me warmly, but after a few moments of chatting, I realised that they largely had me in as a means to make fun of standup comedian Tommy Little, who was usually the butt of the far savvier, more sensible Carrie Bickmore’s jokes.
I happily played along, but I was keen to turn the tables a little on Carrie, who I’d always felt was a bit of a stiff. I’d often jerked off while thinking about her though…I have no problem with stiffs. I like all sorts of women…even uptight, conservative ones.
The big joke was that I was to offer tips for Tommy on producing his own nude calendar for the following year. As always, the selfdeprecating Tommy Little played along and took Carrie’s slightly smug, superior ribbing on the chin. I sat there in my Santa hat, Santa beard, sunglasses, and Christmasthemed shorts and played along.
“Now, as The Very y Santa, you’re quite happy to…let it all hang out, so to speak,” Carrie said, taking a sly peek at my bare torso. “What about Tommy? Should he go The Full Monty?”
“Um, well, that’s a big decision,” I replied. “That’s a big step.”
“So maybe he should do a calendar more like your ‘Nice’ one, and not the ‘Naughty’ one?” Carrie asked. “Not showing his…you know.”
“Just so you know, full disclosure, next to The Very y Santa, mine looks like a peanut,” Tommy said with a laugh. “I’m a grower, not a shower, if you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” I responded. “All guys are different. Either way, I think your fans would just be happy to get a look at you.”
“At it,” Carrie said with a big laugh. “Maybe the calendar could come with a magnifying glass…just kidding, Tommy, just kidding…Little by name, little by nature…just kidding.”
“You’re not exactly instilling me with confidence here,” Tommy said.
“What about you, Carrie?” I asked. “You’re an awardwinning TV personality. I think people would love to see you in a nude calendar!”
“Um, I don’t think so,” Carrie shot back, obviously embarrassed. “I’m a mother!”
“Mothers can’t be y?” I responded quickly. “I’d have to beg to differ on that! I’m sure I’m not the only one either!”
“No, of course they can,” Carrie said, enjoyably wrongfooted. “I’m not saying that. Just not me. Nobody wants to see me naked!”
“I’ll talk to the people at Harrington Press Publishing,” I said with a smile. “I’ll run it by them and see if they think it’s financially viable… they’ve got a good gauge on what will sell. Maybe for next Christmas? I think it would be huge.”
“Wow, Carrie, I’m surprised you’re considering this,” Tommy said with a laugh. “Will you go The Full Monty?”
“I am not considering this,” Carrie responded defensively, clearly and hilariously uncomfortable about having the tables turned on her. “I am not appearing in a nude calendar…no way!”
“Maybe you should get some feedback from the listeners,” I said. “That’ll give you a good idea. I’m sure they’d like to see what you’ve got.”
“No, thank you very much,” Carrie said curtly with a strained smile. “Okay, enough from you, Very y Santa. It’s time for a break. ‘The Very y Santa All YearRound’ calendar is out now. You can find the ‘Naughty’ version online and the ‘Nice’ edition at all good retailers.”
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