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Chapter 7
Killian
By midnight the beer was flowing like tap water and the penthouse pulsed with the familiar energy of my typical weekend party. Jake had the same familiar three women dangling from his body like jewelry and I sat across the room feeling like something was missing. The music wasn’t any louder than normal but I couldn’t hear myself think and I just wanted some fresh air.
I slipped out the back door to the balcony that overlooked the beach. It was a full moon, so I could stand and watch the white caps cresting beautifully, and if Dad’s condo wasn’t full of halfdrunken socialites I’d have taken a stroll on the sand to clear my mind. Beer wasn’t even appealing tonight. I didn’t feel like myself.
There was something about the salty sea breeze that helped me ground myself. It always had, ever since I was a kid and I’d sneak out of our massive brick troubadour and sneak away to the shoreline to sit and watch the moon. I’d climb down the trellis on the front of the house and jet away, and every now and then I’d go to Jake’s house and make him come with me and we’d get into trouble.
It didn’t have quite the same effect once I became a driving teenager and no one cared about what I did, but the sand and sea were still calming. Now, pushing thirty years old, it was the place I went for isolation late at night when the salty winds were calmer and the waves were mine alone.
I stood there watching wave after wave crest and break. There was something methodic and comforting about the rhythm of it. I got lost thinking of Bailey in that tiny apartment no bigger than my bedroom and what she was doing tonight. I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, whatever I ever wanted given to me. Bailey had a hard life, working to support herself only to live in a shitty place like that. It didn’t feel right.
I had spent all of my life oblivious to things like this, though it wasn’t like I hadn’t been put in my place a time or two. People liked to point out that I had an easy life, and that I didn’t know the value of a hard day’s work. Seeing the way she lived made me realize those people were probably right, and I was feeling grateful all of the sudden for my pampered upbringing.
“Dude, what gives?” Jake asked, joining me on the balcony. He held two cold beers in his hands and reached toward me with one as he leaned on the railing next to me. “The party is in there.”
I took the beer and had a swig but it still didn’t hit the spot. “Just wanted to think.” My eyes swept out over the dark ocean again where the moonlight danced on the moving water.
“Think? Dude, there are at least ten gorgeous women who would do anything to get you alone. Why are you out here thinking?” Jake chuckled and no doubt he was correct. I could have my pick of any woman any day of the week. I just wasn’t feeling it. I hadn’t been feeling it for a while. I’d been going through the motions, throwing parties and drinking beer. But now even the risktaking thrillseeking shit wasn’t doing it. I wanted something more, something better.
“Yeah, well there’s more to life than beer and bitches,” I grumbled, recalling Jake’s favorite weekend pastimes.
Even he couldn’t fully sympathize with me. His worldview was totally different, having been raised in a wealthy family like mine, but whose parents enforced higher education as a priority. At times I wished my father had been that way and there were days I was glad he wasn’t. Jake had his degree in criminal justice and passed the bar last fall. He’d be partner at his dad’s firm in less than a year and I was staring at a very bleak future with no education or job prospects.
Dad would hand me his entire company run by other people and all I’d have to do was spend the money. Except, there were only so many things to buy or vacation destinations to visit before life became just another boring thing that didn’t excite me anymore.
“What’s wrong with you? You’re Killian Welch, Ocean City’s most eligible bachelor. You have everything you want.” Jake’s chiding didn’t rouse me either. He was right. There was something wrong with me, but it wasn’t this sudden shift in desire or mood.
The “something wrong” was systemic. I was a party boy because getting wild and taking risks was what made my life seem interesting or worth living. But inside I felt numb. It was taking progressively bigger and more dangerous things to make my heart feel something and that scared me. It probably scared my dad too, which was why he continued to lecture me.
“I met this girl…” Just speaking abstractly about her felt surreal. I’d met hundreds of girls in my life. This one was bossy and loud, had a kid, and she was flat broke. Not at all the type of woman I’d even look at twice.
“Yeah, so what’s new? There are thirty women in your dad’s condo.” Jake sucked on his beer and I shrugged a shoulder.
“Not like this one.” I mulled it over for a while, and I realized there was something about Bailey I liked. She was honest with me, threatening to pull the plug on our arrangement and not letting me pull any crap. It got me a little frustrated and flustered, but somehow it scratched the adventure itch.
“So what’s so special about this one? Who is she?”
“She’s a nobody, honestly. Not on any radar, probably never will be. But she’s gorgeous, and funny.” I had another sip of beer as the wind picked up and tossed my hair. This sip tasted different, sweeter, like Bailey was the key to whatever it was my heart was craving.
Jake chuckled. “But can she suck dick?” His laughter irritated me and I found myself feeling defensive of Bailey, but it was absurd. I wasn’t going to date her and she wouldn’t ever fit in with my friend group. Just thinking that was nuts, so why was I feeling like punching my best friend in the face?
“Cool it, man,” I growled and he got the point. There was a lull in the conversation though I could still hear the din of music floating out toward us. It didn’t call to me like normal. I wanted to stay here on the balcony watching the waves and thinking about my life.
Bailey was on her own, paying her bills and now raising a child alone. I was still living in the lap of luxury and using up my dad’s money like it grew on trees. But she had the opportunity to go home and not work, and still she was choosing to fight her dad for independence and be on her own. I watched that man interact with the baby. He loved both Bailey and Sienna, a kind of love I’d never seen on my father’s face before. It was warm and full, and I could tell even if he was gruff or demanding, he did it because he cared. And she still didn’t want to go home where it was easier.
“Whatcha thinking?” Jake asked and then he slurped his beer again.
“I’m thinking I got myself into a pickle.” The mess I made was following me everywhere I went. I’d been partying and goofing off for yearsway longer than most guys. At twentyeight I should have had a degree and a decent job. Dad would have wanted me to go to business school and take over his empire, though it wouldn’t stop him from giving me the riches anyway. I just wouldn’t have true decisionmaking power.
“With a girl? What’d you do, knock her up?” Jake’s question was something I’d always worried about. But I took precautions so that didn’t happen.
“Nah, man. But I got a cop after me and he knows stuff.” Lying to a cop was the least of my concerns now. Once I saw how Bailey felt, I knew I had to follow through on my promise. It’d be easy to swipe cards and pay her bills and Dad wouldn’t ever think twice. But somehow I felt obligated to that woman and her tiny baby.
“Hmm, sucks… So you met a girl, though. And she’s cute. Maybe she’ll be the one to crack the whip and help you settle down.”
“Except the cop is her uncle,” I admitted and turned away from the ocean, leaning on the railing. I watched a few people walking around inside and shook my head. I hadn’t changed at all. I had been sneaking into Dad’s condo since I was fifteen years old, throwing these drinking parties and making the tabloids for it. I was grown up but still acting like a child and Bailey was years younger than me being more adult than I’d ever had the desire to be. It was confronting.
“So dump her. That’s shit, man. Just lay low and it will”
“I can’t dump her, Jake.” I turned to look him in the eye. The moonlight was so bright he had no trouble seeing my tense expression. “I made her promise me she’d help me stay out of trouble with her uncle, and in exchange I’m faking dating her and helping her pay her hospital bills.”
“Hospital?” he said, eyes narrowing. “She’s sick?”
“She just had a baby.” My shoulders dropped. “It’s complicated, but I have to make it look good.”
I started toward the door. I didn’t want this beer or the party. I wanted to chase everyone out and turn on a movie to distract myself before any of these women threw themselves at me. The thought of getting one pregnant and having my very own mess like Bailey’s was frightening.
“Aw, Kill is growing up finally,” Jake joked. “Don’t worry, man. You’ll make a good baby daddy. And if not, she’ll just use you and throw you away like all the other bitches”
“Enough, Jake.” I whipped around and glared at him. “I’m serious. Don’t talk about her like that.” My shoulders were squared, hands in fists. “I have to help her and she’s helping me, and that means you’re helping me. Got it?”
Jake held his beer up in one hand and splayed his palm out defensively with his other hand. “Sheesh, man. I’m cool. I was just joking. If it’s that important then yes. I’m down to help. I didn’t realize.
I didn’t realize it either until the emotions were there, large and in charge. Now I just felt like I was either going to own this entire situation and make sure Bailey succeeded in her father’s eyes, or I was going to fuck it up like I did everything else in my life. And for the first time I didn’t care if I got attention or praise for it. I just wanted to do it because I knew it was the right thing.
And I wasn’t going to quit or flake out.
Chapter 8
Bailey
The loud ding of a bell startled me and I jumped and snickered as I looked around for the source. Killian’s hand rode the small of my back as I spotted a man with a large sledgehammer and a boastful expression standing next to a petite woman who wore a grin. The ring the bell game had a line stretching several yards with people of all ages sporting eager expressions.
“Want me to win you a teddy bear?” Killian asked slyly and winked and I rolled my eyes.
When he told me to get a babysitter I wasn’t sure exactly what he was thinking. Dad was fully convinced I was dating Killian when he showed up in the middle of dinner three nights ago. He had a new shelving unit and a tool kit that looked brand new, as if he didn’t have any of his own tools and he had to buy some just to assemble the shelves. It was a very sweet gesture, because space was so limited in my tiny apartment. I welcomed the intrusion and apologized to Dad that Killian didn’t know about dinner.
“You swing a sledgehammer? After the shelf incident, I don’t think you know how to”
“Hey, no fair,” he said, and he feigned offense. “I knew exactly what I was doing.”
“Yeah, once we found the directions you almost threw away.” I chuckled again and pulled away from him slightly. It wasn’t that I didn’t like his hand on my back; I loved the protective nature of his touch. I just knew how my hormones had me on a yoyo and the last thing I wanted was to catch actual feelings for him. It would never happen. He was out of my league. This was all for show and I knew it.
“Well, your dad got it together for you at least. I knew it would be a struggle. Thanks for not making fun of me in front of him.” Killian’s cheeks were red, but he didn’t seem offput by my jests. In fact, when I pulled away he moved closer and made sure I was aware of his hand on my back by strumming his thumb up under the hem of my crop top. “Want to get some ice cream?”
“Can’t,” I grumbled, though I would have loved to. “Sienna’s belly hurts when I eat dairy.” Just the thought of Sienna made me feel emotional. She was with Uncle Mike and Aunt Margret right now, a godsend for me. When I wanted time away from her just to decompress, I felt like a bad mother. But I mentioned to Margret that Killian had asked me to get a sitter and Mike insisted they keep her. It was nice of them.
“Oh gosh, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.” Killian’s protective hand pulled me closer still. Its warmth against the cooling night air felt good, so this time I didn’t pull away. I did, however, wonder what he was up to.
Killian Welch wasn’t the “county fair” type of person. From what I knew of him he preferred expensive resorts, lavish restaurants, fancy cars. Tonight he picked me up in a pickup truck, albeit a brand new one with all the trappings, but it wasn’t a Lambo.
“Why did you ask me out anyway?” I asked. I had one hand in my pocket folding and unfolding a paperclip, and the other dangled at my side awkwardly. Killian was being very familiar with me, like we were actually dating and had an intimate relationship, but I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to absorb it and enjoy, but it would only lead to heartbreak when he fulfilled his end of this agreement and moved on from me.
Besides, I didn’t want to date a player. He had more women than could fit on the Titanic, and his ship was sinking fast and very publicly. Lila had called me more than once with gossip from the social media rumor mills that she knew would change my mind about this arrangement Kill and I had. I couldn’t back out though. I needed his money and he had offered it willingly. Besides, I felt bad for him and Uncle Mike’s harassment. He was a douche at times, but he was a good guy deep down. I just knew it. He just needed to be on the right path. Maybe I could help him with that before this was all said and done.
“You want your old man to really believe we’re dating, right?” he asked and I nodded. “And Uncle DoRight needs to see I’m a changed man.” Killian snuggled closer. “So what better way than to show them we are good for each other, that we do normal things. Fairs are normal right?”
My gut tightened and I offered a tense smile. “Yeah, you’re right.” My heart was already invested in this and I hadn’t even consented to that. His explanation should have just been a transfer of information but I found myself disappointed. Part of me wanted this to be real and I hated that part of me because it meant I was getting attached and I shouldn’t be.
“So are you hungry? We could get some food, or we could go watch the tractor pulls.” His kindness seemed out of character because of what I’d heard and read about him. It was refreshing to see a relaxed and confident version of a man I thought was just a jerk, especially after our first sour interactions.
“No, I’m not hungry really. I haven’t had much of an appetite.” The truth was postpartum depression was kicking my ass. I just wanted to lie in bed and cry most of the time, and when Sienna got so fussy I didn’t know what to do, I had to call Lila or Jenny for help.
“So games? Rides?”
“Horses,” I said definitively. Walking through the horse barn at the fair was a favorite memory of mine, maybe because it was one of the only fond memories I had with both of my parents together.
“Horses, it is,” he replied, and firmly turned my body toward the horse barn. I wondered how he even knew where it was in the colossal fairgrounds, but I didn’t question him. I liked learning things about him even if we weren’t ever going to be an item. I found people interesting and often sat and watched them from the window in my living room on the street below. Hearing their stories and interacting was even more fascinating to me.
“You seem familiar with this place.” I found myself snuggling into his side more comfortably. It made sense that if he was going to put on an act to really sell the relationship, I should too. The chance of paparazzi being at the Worcester County Fair was slim, but not ever zero. If they got good pictures of us, it would just cement things. And I was humbled that Killian would put his entire reputation on the line for this scam.
“I’ve been around…” His voice had a nostalgic tone, as if he, too, had fond memories of this place, but he didn’t elaborate. I pictured him here with his father to buy up the blueribbon horses and sell them to racing teams or stud farms, but maybe I was wrong and he had a more normal life than I knew.
“Do you like horses too?” I asked as the barn came into view and he shrugged a shoulder.
“I like being outdoors in nature. When I was a kid I was forced to do so many pointless stupid things that were all structured and rigid. I craved the time to just run away and be in the dirt or the ocean. I still like it.” His thumb traced an unconscious circle on my lower back and it made warmth pool in my belly.
“And what about the fair?” The ground was uneven, making me wobble a little in these dumb heeled sandals. He steadied me and I rested my hand on his chest for support. Our eyes met and his gaze dropped to my lips then returned to my eyes.
Killian was quiet and steady as I balanced myself and even though there were people around, I felt alone with him. He was being vulnerable with me again, in a way I felt like he probably wasn’t with other people. I liked thatthat he felt safe to be himself with me. I liked it so much, I found myself wanting to be vulnerable with him too, and I blurted out, “I kinda want to kiss you right now.”
His lips curled up at the corners and he licked them. “I kinda want to kiss you too.”
“But this is fake, right? I mean, there’s no way you’re ever going to date me. I have a kid, and I’m poor…” I was rambling but as the words tumbled out of my mouth my heart was still hoping. Still pining for the knight in shining armor to save me.
“And my friends are asshats. You’d never fit in and not because you’re not amazing. It’s just that I live a lifestyle… and…” Every word he said was a blow to my hope, but it didn’t stop my body from wanting him, or my heart from believing that maybe I could change his mind about me.
“Okay, but I still want to kiss you.”
Killian’s hands rested on my hips and his lips brushed over mine lightly. Fireworks went off inside my body, shooting heat into my groin and making my heart do a flip. My hands floated to his shoulders and I felt him grip my sides hard as he growled into my mouth. When he pulled away my lips were raw from his stubble and I was breathless.
“Just because we’re not truly compatible for a longterm relationship, doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy some hot …” His tone was nothing short of an invitation and my god my body was on fire for him.
“Right here? right now?” There was the risktaking behavior I knew he possessed, and it connected with a need inside me I didn’t realize I had until now.
“Not here, silly…” His eyes scanned around us and he smirked as he took my hand and pulled me toward the horse barn.
“Where are you going!” I hissed but the thrill of feeling like a teenager sneaking around again made my heart hammer.
“Tack room,” he blurted and I snickered and covered my mouth.
Killian pulled me into the dark tack room and glanced around out the door before shutting it. It opened inward, and there was no way for us to lock it, but he managed to wedge a horseshoe into the wide seam and for good measure, he scooted a barrel of feed up against the door before turning toward me.
“God, you’re insane,” I breathed and before I could say anything else, he was on me. His kisses were scorching, burning my skin and leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He groped my hips and then my tits, and I tangled my hands in his hair, messing up his gelled look.
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