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PheroMoans
Chapter 5 Desire
{} Thinking
Freshman Year Two years ago.
The dormitory buzzed with bassheavy music; the floor vibrated beneath your feet. The air is thick and humid, mingling too many bodies in a small space as young men and women dance on the crowded room floor. The smell of pizza grease, cheap beer, and weed drifting in the air. Conversations overlap into an unintelligible hum, a few shouts of laughter cutting through the din. It was a freshmanyear party in the middle of the winter. Mark is currently partying a little too hard for Emma’s liking.
“Mark!” Emma says with a tap on Mark’s shoulder, cutting him off from a dance with another girl.
“Oh, Ems, what’s up?”
“We need to talk. Come on.”
“Talk?” Mark says before he is yanked by the hand through the crowd of people by Emma into a secluded room. She shuts the door and turns to him with a disappointed look.
“What are you doing here?”
“Cutting loose, having fun, you know.”
“That’s not you, that’s not Mark.”
“Fuck Mark.” Mark laughs. “Look, I’m trying just to forget things, you know.”
“You didn’t even cry.”
“Excuse me.”
“At the funeral for your parents, you didn’t even.”
“And? Do you want to see me cry, Emma? Haven’t you seen that enough in the past? Look, I’m a man.”
“Cut that toxic male bullshit out. I want you to grieve; I want you to have closure. It’s okay.”
“No, Emma! It’s not okay. I’m a orphan, I have nothing now.”
“That’s not the truth,”
“It is; I have nothing, aint got shit. I’m at this school that, honestly, I learn shit all from, getting into mad debt for…”
“Mark, I’m just worried about you.”
“Oh, shut up! I’m a burden to you.”
“You’re not.”
“Emma, when will you realize your life would be better if I weren’t in it.”
“I stick around because I love you, you idiot.” Mark grits his teeth and turns his head as Emma touches his cheek. “I love you so much, Mark.” Mark leans his face into her hand and stares into her eyes. He moves in to kiss her. She doesn’t protest as he takes her down onto the bed.
“Shit,” Mark says, pulling up quickly. “Sorry.” He looks at his reflection in the mirror. He’s disgusted at what he sees: his face, body, everything. But Emma gets up and blocks his view.
“It’s Okay.” She speaks. “Come here.” She says, pulling him into a hug and laying back on the bed. He lays his head on her chest; she brushes his head as he grieves for the first time.
Present day
Mark’s eyes are fixed on a piece of paper; he is sitting in the dorm’ lounge area. Rosalind, across from him, as she doomscrolled through her phone while sipping on a large metal mug.
“Ugh,” Mark says, clawing at his head while his pencil taps on the table.
“Easy there now, don’t have a nervous breakdown,” Rosa says between sips.
“No, I’m just tired.”
“Great, this is what I must look forward to, bags underneath my eyes. This job better be worth it,”
“Again. You have actually have to get the job first.” Mark says with a strained expression.
“Mark, is that you?” A voice rings from the entrance of the lounge.
“Hey, Bonita,” Mark says with a wide grin as Rosa turns and gives her a disparaging glare at the glowing woman. Bonita walks towards him and pecks him on both of his cheeks.
“I know what you did,” Bonita says, smirking at him, placing a hand on one of his shoulders, then trailing it across his chest.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mark says
“Don’t try to hide from me, Mister. I know it was you.” As Mark tries to avoid her eyes. “I want you to know I appreciate it, and it was a great gesture. You remembered I love orchids, and you got me such a cute card.”
“I’m happy you liked it,” Mark says
“Of course I did, silly.”
“So, where you off to?”
“Oh, a job interview.”
“Really? Where at?”
“Please don’t say Bloomingdale.” Rosa blurts out between a sip of her coffee.
“Oh, god no,” Bonita says, with a smirk aimed in Rosa’s direction; she then turns back to Mark. “It’s an internship at the fashion magazine ALT.”
“Damn, that’s Awesome Nita.”
“I know, right? Well, I have to go. Wait, before I leave, how do I look?” Bonita says, striking a pose.
“Amazing as always,” Mark scans her up and down as Rosa gives him a sideeye. Bonita smirks once again, feeding off her supposed dissatisfaction.
“Thank you, Mark. See ya.” Bonita says, strutting out of the lounge.
“That bitch.” Rosa says, taking another sip of her coffee. “Fuck burned my tongue; that’s her fault too. First, she walks over here and then talks to you while I’m around.” Rosa shakes her head, with her eyebrows furrowed.
“Uhh, is she not allowed to do that?” Mark says.
“Listen, Mark, whenever I am in the presence of a man, you assume he is mine and that I have his undivided attention,” Rosa says with a devilish smile.
“Nice, I’m a man now, and also, I’m yours now?”
“That’s. That’s beside the point, Mark.”
“Another question, do you have that same energy around cousins, oooh, your father?”
“Don’t mention my father. And if you must know, yes.” Mark shakes his head as they continue to talk.
Hours later, at school, Rosalind sits in class mulling over her designs for her fashion project. She questions every corner of her design choices, the fabric, the patterns, and even the label placement until she is knocked out of her trance by her approaching teacher.
“Rosalind, you didn’t follow my instructions to change your designs?”
“Well, of course, they are my designs after all.”
“Yes, having your own creativity is nice, but there are guidelines and this effort.”
“My effort?”
“Surely you are more capable of better work?”
“I, of course.”
“Please adjust your designs for the project turn in next week.”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Rosalind meekly says as classmates laugh at her. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.{ I am Rosalind Mendez, I am Rosalind Mendez.}
“That’s all for today’s class. Please keep working on your fashion branding assignment.” As the teacher finishes, Rosa rushes out of the classroom. She speeds into the bathroom, into the farthest stall, sitting on the toilet seat, and her face planted in her hands.
Mark left the library and headed towards the train station several minutes later. He sees Rosa on her phone in the park above the train station and directly outside the school.
“Hey, you ready.”
“Yeah,” Rosa says, grabbing her bags and walking towards the train station. Her lips were tight, and the light in her eyes was slightly dim.
“You good? Why are you so quiet? Worried about that assignment?”
“No. God, many questions. I’m just worried about this interview.”
“Ahh, don’t worry about it. You got this kid.” Mark says Rosa cuts her eyes at him; he catches on that her mood is still off. They board the train and ride in almost complete silence soon after the bus.
As they get off the bus, Mark notices Bonita checking her mail.
“Hey, Nita,” Mark says, waving toward her, she somberly waves back.
“This bitch.” Rosa mutters under her breath.
“Hey, Mark,” Bonita says as she walks over with a small package under her arm.
“Everything okay?”
“I’m not staying for this,” Rosalind says while darting past them both.
“Bye, Rosy.”
“Don’t call me that,” Rosalind says, walking away from them.
“What’s up, Nita? Why do you look so down?”
“Oh, Mark, I don’t think I did so well on my first day of internship. I was flustered, and ugh, I’m such an idiot.”
“Hey.”
“No, I should have been more prepared, and I guess I should have dressed more professionally.”
“Didn’t attract those old dawgs, huh…Sorry, bad joke.” Mark says as Bonita laughs.
“No, I could use some humor; I was gonna watch a comedy on Netflix and try to forget.”
“Tomorrow is a new day.”
“You’re right, it is.”
“Bonita!” A voice yells, walking up to them from the direction of their apartment.” So, you leave, and you are out here talking to this other n@#$5,” the voice says, now identified as Bonita’s boyfriend.
“You see, I got this package under my arm?” Bonita says.
“Who the fuck is this?” The man says, pointing towards Mark with an angry look on his face.
“That’s Mark, my neighbor; leave him alone. He was just trying to make me feel better about today.”
“What? That’s what the fuck I’m here for.”
“Hey, calm down,” Mark says
“Fuck you say?” The man says, edging closer to Mark with his fist clenched. Bonita immediately tries to put a hand on his shoulder, but he brushes her off and moves towards Mark.
Around the corner of the apartment building, Rosalind is peeking on at the conflict. Her hand pressed on her phone.
“I just said to calm down. You’re being a little extreme, aint you.”
“A little extreme. Me? Aren’t you the N@#$% that brought my girl a birthday gift? You think you sleek out here trying to fuck her. But she don’t you want you; she wants a real N$%#$# not some bitch ass lil bro.” The man yells as he points his index finger at Mark’s face. Mark takes a deep breath and smiles at the man.
“Look, yeah. I got Bonita a gift, but I’m not trying to do anything with her. We’re just friends, and get your hand out my face N#$$%,” Mark calmly says, tightening his face.
“Mark..” Bonita whispers as she moves towards them. “No, he’s drunk,” She continues trying to get in between them, but her man pulls her back roughly.
“Don’t grab her like that, and I don’t care, Bonita. Just because he’s drunk doesn’t give him the right to treat you like this.”
“Lame ass, this my bitch. I can talk to her any way I won’t; stay in your lane.”
“No,” Mark says simply, clenching his fist, bending his knees, and lifting his heels. The man laughs and raises his shirt.
“You aint gonna be around much longer if you keep talking to my girl.”
“I’m not afraid of you.” {Wait, Is that gun? What the fuck do I mean? I’m not afraid.}
“Good.”
“Do something then,” Mark says, his eyes on the man. Bonita tries to get between them again but is pushed back by the man again. {I can’t stop myself.}
“Stop this shit, Smoke,” Bonita says, hooking his arm. He smiles at Mark and lets her pull him away. “Get back in the room. I’ll be there in a minute.” She says, looking back at Mark with concern before she yips as Smoke smacks her ass and grabs it.
“Alright, hurry up.” He says, his eyes locked on Mark moving backward.
“Mark, I gotta go. Thank you.”
“Yeah, you gonna be, okay?”
“I’m good, really, thank you.”
“Come on, Nita.” Smoke says as she turns around to him.
“I’m on my way, calm down,” Bonita quickly approaches him; he wraps his arms around the back of her neck and turns his head to glance at Mark again.
Mark relaxes his stance and takes a deep breath. “What the fuck?” He says as he walks towards his room. Bonita and Smoke are already in their room; loud voices can be heard echoing from the hallway.
Rosa leans against the wall, sighs, and wipes her head. “estúpido.”
Mark walks inside his apartment, and Dave is on the couch with a blunt in his hand. The Smoke flows out of it as he smiles at Mark.
“Well, well, Captain Save a Hoe. Finally made it inside.” Dave says smoke escapes out his mouth.
“Stop,” Mark says, smiling before sitting on the couch.
“If I had to put my blunt down and pop out. Nobody talks about my guy like that.” Dave says, passing him the blunt, which Mark turns down. “Oh damn, must be pressed; it’s okay to hit its plantbased.”
“The fuck? No, I just, I got a thing later.”
“A thing?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, Mr. Cryptic, and I saw you eased into that stance out there; you were gonna show him the moves.
“That was the plan.”
“Good,” Daves says, taking another hit on the blunt. “Stop being cryptic where you goin. I need to know, just in case.”
“I’m going to the movies and probably won’t return. Maybe I don’t know.”
“Geesh, who is this man sitting on the couch? Picking fights.”
“I didn’t.”
“Turning down blunts on a nonwork day?”
“Well, I mean, I got a thing.”
“And now you say you won’t be back tonight, on double XP week?”
“Potentially.”
“Who is the lucky lady?”
“A coworker.”
“Coworker…? Who?” Dave says, and then his expression changes as if a light bulb turned out. “No way.” He says as he grins at Mark.
“Yeah, it’s her.”
“The MILF with the fat ass? Yo!” Daves says, ashin the blunt.
“It’s not nothing serious.”
“You are ascending to another level, dude.” Dave notched his hands in the air.
“Okay, this feels dirty.”
“Why? Because she’s a mom.”
“Well, yeah, that, but also.”
“Fuck it, who cares? Moms need a dick to dude.”
“I agree, but I also like Autumn.”
“Autumn, that’s right, that’s her name. Okay, so what, you tryna be her boyfriend?”
“N…I mean, would that…I never really.”
“You just out here hoeing around, and I’m here for it.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, you kinda are; damn, you have been killing it these past couple of days. First, she who shall not be named, then the Asian girl, and now potentially the Milf.”
“Still don’t remember her name.”
“You dog.”
“No, I want to remember, but I can’t. It’s like.”
“Hit it and forget it. You turn into a monster, and now you gonna hit the Milf.”
“I mean, we already.”
“What!?”
“Uh.”
“You already smashed, clapped, hit it, penetrated. How was it?”
“I.”
“Don’t get shy on me now; that phat ass had to be making waves.”
“It was amazing…like holy shit.”
“Looks like you gave as good as you got if she is going on a date with you.”
“It’s just the movies, and it’s nothing. At least, I think. Maybe it’s more?”
“Well, she seems fertile, so you may want to wear a condom.”
“I got protection, but also, she got her tube tied after having her youngest.”
“Ahh, a gambling man, I see. We’ll have fun tonight…” Dave says, pulling out his phone. Mark gets up and gets ready for his date; before hopping in the shower, he grabs the bottle of PheroMoans.
Later in the evening, Mark walks outside to a waiting familiar car outside.
“Finally, you’re here. You know it’s bad to keep me waiting.” Mark laughs while closing the passenger door.
“You better shut up,” Autumn says, pulling him into a hug. “Oh, you smell so good. What is that?”
“Ugh, it’s experimental.”
“Experimental by who?”
“Oh… no, like it’s actually like Experimental.”
“Oh, neat, march to the beat of your own drum.”
“Something like that, you look fantastic.”
“Oh, please, I look like I’m about to deal drugs at a prom. The goal is not to look like I’m dating my young coworker. No offense.”
“Nontaken, regardless. I love a woman in some UGA gear.”
“Go, Dawgs,” Autumn says, pulling off.
“Also, I would buy drugs from you.”
“You better not; you don’t do coke, do you?” Autumn says, grimacing at Mark.
“Maybe a little.”
“I will stop this car.”
“I just smoke weed.”
“Oh,” Autumn says.
“Yeah, that and a little bit of alcohol, but not as much as I used to drink during my first two years of college. We just hit the bong and smoke the occasional blunt.”
“We. Would that we happen to be with that Latina girl?”
“The tortilla chip?”
“Shut up. I’m not proud of that.”
“No, it’s my roommate Dave and some other guys occasionally from school.”
“I guess they don’t do coed apartments.”
“If they did, I would have roomed with my friend Emma, plus god, there would be many babies and possible rape cases.”
“Yikes.”
“So, how far out of town are we going?”
“Just the movie theater the next town over. It’s not that far.”
“Cool, can’t wait.”
“I actually can’t wait either. It’s been a while.” Autumn bemoans. “I feel like a teenager right now.”
“Well, if you want, we can roleplay. Picture me as some lameass date that doesn’t have a car or can’t drive.”
“Wait, you don’t have a driver’s license? How old are you again?”
“Hey, I never had a car, okay.”
“No shit, your parents didn’t buy or help you buy one before you left for college? Teach you how to drive?”
“Nah, funds were tight, and now they’re both dead.”
“Jesus, I remember, but god, that was morbid.”
“Sorry, it’s not their fault. I guess. The little time I could practice with them was good. I’m not completely useless behind the wheel. Just ass.”
“Ass.”
“Yup, an Autumnsized ass at that.”
“That’s…a lot of ass,” Autumn says, wriggling in the driver’s seat.
“A reasonable amount.”
“I remember when it happened, you just started with us.”
“Freshman year, I was 22.”
“You started college a little late, didn’t you.”
“It’s never too late to start college, but yeah, Emma and I wanted to get some money in our savings first and enjoy ourselves a little.”
“Never too late, heh.”
“Hey, this isn’t going to be a deal breaker?”
“For our arrangement,” Autumn laughs. “No, maybe a little annoying, but if you play your cards right, I may teach you something.”
“Oh, teacher, please.”
“Heh, teacher.” Autumn chuckles while turning into the movie theater parking lot. Shortly after they are walking inside, Mark gets the door for Autumn as she enters.
“Okay, this is different from the last time I was here,” Autumn says, looking around.
“Yeah, I didn’t notice how big it was from the outside,” Mark says. This theater had to be the biggest movie theater he had ever seen. The ones back home are way smaller and modest.
“I think they have reclining seats as well.” Autumn frowns.
“Hmm, you sound concerned.”
“Yeah, I might fall the fuck to sleep.” Autumn laughs.
“Ahh, if you fall asleep on our first date, I don’t know if I will ask you for another one.”
“Really now?”
“I’m joking.”
“Uh huh, so what are we going to watch,” Autumn says, looking at the posters.
“Well, we got two options: a horror movie or the latest comic book movie.”
“Ugh, a comic book movie.”
“Well, I know what we are not gonna watch.”
“I didn’t say no. I don’t know where the is, with all these shared universe movies.”
“Your kids not into it?”
“They are. It’s just a lot to keep up with. My oldest usually gets money and takes my youngest to see it with his friends.”
“Sounds like a responsible guy.”
“He doesn’t take after his father. Or me, now that I think about it.”
“Heh, so Horror movie it is.”
“Jesus, I.”
“Oh, are you afraid?”
“No, I’m grown.”
“Don’t sound too convincing.”
“Buy the tickets, Mark.”
“Okay, okay,” Mark says, moving to the ticket counter while Autumn gets in line for movie snacks. Mark joined her line soon after with the tickets. So what do you want, popcorn, chicken tendies, or pizza? They got pizza in the movie theater, now? Damn, I need to get out more.”
“Same. Sometimes I feel like all I do is work.”
“Same, well, and school.”
“Not same.”
“So, you said you were too old for school in the car.”
“Please don’t.”
“I’m guessing you mulled over this in your head already.”
“Mulled? Maybe…Mark, I struggle to help my kids with their homework. God, I dread it when they ask me how to do this and how to do that. I tend to forget I never got my high school diploma.”
“You never graduated high school?”
“Yup.”
“No GED?”
“This isn’t going to be a dealbreaker, is it?”
“Heh, no.”
“Good. Can we stop talking about this and to answer your first question? Popcorn, and some of them jolly rancher bites.”
“Good choice.”
“Hmm, I might share.”
“I know you will; I’m gonna get the Nachos and some Mike and Ike’s.”
“You gotta sweet tooth too, huh?”
“Sugar is my kryptonite.”
“I thought I was your kryptonite.”
“Well, you are pure white.”
“That sounded kind of racist.”
“It felt weird coming out; can’t take it back now,” Mark says as they find their seats.
ero
