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No one in this was involved in ual activity prior to the age of 18. I promise.
To those who have lost and have found
I signed my name a hundred times. At least it seemed so.
It wasn’t that many, but this was the first time I purchased a home. It was a dream of mine, and I was grateful for the circumstances in my life making it possible.
It wasn’t all I hoped for, though; I would be the only occupant.
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The day I moved in, two neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves. One was from the house across the street. He told me to ask if I needed to borrow any yard equipment.
The other was Toni Collins, my nextdoor neighbor. She appeared to be in her late 30s and was very attractive.
“Hi, I’m Toni. From next door.”
I started laughing. “Hi, I’m Tony, your nextdoor neighbor. I assume your name is spelled with an ‘I’.”
“Yes, although my name is actually Antoinette. Thanks, Mom! For obvious reasons, I’ve gone by Toni all my life.”
“My name is Anthony, but I’ve always gone by Tony.”
“If we ever dated, it would be fun to introduce ourselves as Tony and Toni!”
“I can see a lot of humor potential in that. It’s nice to meet you, Toni. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Oh, I almost forgot! I brought this insulated bag so I could carry it easier. It’s a casserole. I thought you would be without food in your new home, so this might be appreciated.”
“Wow, that’s so thoughtful. Thank you.”
“Tony, I should ask this. Do you have plates and utensils?”
“Somewhere. Yes.”
She was laughing. “I was afraid of that. Ok, I’ll take this back to my house, and you will come over and eat with me at 6, ok?”
“Thanks so much. See you then.”
I was immediately grateful and impressed by Toni. It wasn’t enough to bring me food. She knew I might not even have anything unpacked to eat with or on.
The movers had brought in a pile of boxes, in addition to the furniture I had acquired over the years. I would call the style, “Early Married,” except I wasn’t. It looked like that, though. An eclectic hodgepodge of this and that. A sofa needing to be recoveredor replaced. Some mismatched chairs.
One of the nice things I had was a dining set. In the past few years my income had shot up, so I added a few new things. A nice refrigerator. An outdoor grillhigh end. A Ninja and a Ninja grill, for when it was raining and grilling outside was a pain.
I also had a nice bedroom set. I had held off on that, figuring Ashley would want to pick one out, but that didn’t happen.
I started unpacking boxes and deciding where to put things. It was going to take a while!
Before I knew it, the time was 5:37. I had dumped some clothes on the unmade bed and had even found a box of towels. I had a bar of soap, but no idea where shampoo was. At least I could clean up and soap would be better than nothing for my hair.
While I was showering, I wondered what clothes I could locate. I wrapped my towel around me and, while still dripping all over, I was relieved to find slacks and a nice sport shirt.
At 6, on the dot, I ran across my lawn and Toni’s and rang her doorbell. She opened the door and welcomed me in.
“Toni, I have to apologize. I didn’t bring flowers or a bottle of wine. However, I did locate soap, so I smell better than I did a half hour ago. That counts for something, I hope.”
“Oh, please, no worries! Moving is the worst. Do you need any help? I remember the last time Iwemoved, I spent days opening boxes and trying to decide where I wanted things.”
“It’s definitely going to take me days.”
“All right then. I’ve heard enough. After we eat, we’re going back to your house so I can help for a couple of hours. And I won’t allow you to argue with me about it!”
“Ok, then. I have no option but to accept your generosity. I really appreciate it.”
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Dinner was delicious. Toni can cook!
We talked a lot over dinner. The usual ‘get to know each other’ stuff.
Her dining area (I later learned she had a formal dining room as well) was right by a set of patio doors.
“I see you have a pool. Do you use it much?”
“Yes… well, not as much as before. Did the Millers… your sellers… did they leave their hot tub?”
“They did, and I had it checked out, so I know it’s in perfect condition. My parents had a hot tub, so I’m looking forward to having one again.”
“What kind of work do you do?”
“Ready for a long ? I went to law school and graduated. Then I passed the bar exam and worked for a couple of years at a law firm. Then my father’s health failed. Early onset dementia.”
“Oh no! That’s so sad.”
She had tears. Big ones. She was looking down and her tears were landing on the table.
“Toni, I’m sorry, did that strike a nerve with you?”
She was wiping away tears.
“I’m so sorry! I want you to finish your , but I should tell you my husband was diagnosed with ALSLou Gehrig’s Diseaseabout five years ago. I cared for him here as long as I could, but six months ago I had to move him into a care facility.”
“Oh, Toni! I’m so sorry. Life can be hard, can’t it?”
I reached out and put my hand on her arm.
“How’s he doing, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Not at all well. He was moved to the hospital a few days ago. His doctor thinks he only has a few days to live. He’s in and out of consciousnessmostly unconscious. Being kept alive by a device that breathes for him. Don was clear with me if it got to this, I should let him go. It’s so hard for me to face that, though.
“I’ve known Don since I was 16. He was 22, so we didn’t date until later. My parents would have flipped if I’d dated a 22yearold! We’ve been married for 23 years.”
If I had known her better, I would have put my arm around her. She needed that.
After a minute or so of silence as she wiped away her tears, I asked whether she needed to go see Don instead of helping me.
“I probably should, but the doctor there keeps bringing up Don’s health directive. I’m avoiding it.”
“You’re his agent?”
“Yeah. When we signed those, I had no idea I would be in this position. You’re an attorney. What do you think I should do?”
One of the marvelous things about being an attorneyas well as being a curseeveryone thinks you’re an expert about the whole body of law. I practiced as a real estate attorney. Contracts were my thing. Not estate planning or elder law.
“Toni, this is a tough position you’re in. I never practiced in this area, so the best I can do is give you a mixture of legal and personal advice. You probably have that from others, though.”
“I don’t. Don and I never had children. We found out he was sterile. His parents are dead, and he was an only child. I didn’t even grow up here. We moved here right before he got sick. I don’t have anyone.”
When I passed the bar and started meeting with clients, I was astounded at how people would confide in me. They would answer anything I askedmost of them. I mean, I wasn’t a criminal defense attorney, but dealing with people’s financial lives always involves more than just financial matters. It gets surprisingly personal.
“You said Don made it clear to you how he felt about things ‘if it got to this.’ Do you mean how he felt about a terminal condition?”
“Yeah. He hated the idea of being kept alive artificially.”
“Why do you think he felt that way about it?”
“He told me. He said if he had no quality of life…”
I let that hang there for a few seconds.
I reached out and put my hand on her arm again. “Toni, is there any chance at all he will recover any quality of life?”
“No. No chance at all. I just hate the idea of disconnecting his breathing and letting him suffocate.”
She was sobbing. I waited.
“What has his doctor said about that?”
“He said Don is unconscious and wouldn’t suffer.”
Another silence.
“I have to do it, don’t I? I mean, Don asked me to, after he knew he would die from this.”
More silence. I knew from experience she needed to work through this.
“Tony, can I ask a huge favor? Would you go with me to tell the doctor? That probably feels like an imposition on my part, but I don’t have anyone else I really trust. For some reason, I trust you.”
“Of course, Toni. I’ll go with you. I appreciate your trust.”
“Can we go now? I know I have to do this for Don.”
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It was a surreal experience. One I had no reason to expect when that day started.
Toni and I were standing by Don’s bed. Toni wanted to say goodbye. I suggested I would wait outside, but she insisted I remain by her side.
Don was not conscious, but she spoke to him with such loving words! I was wiping away tears now, too.
When she finished, she walked out to where the doctor was waiting. She told him she was ready to sign the order he had prepared.
Toni asked me to read it. Basically, the hospital wanted her signature proving they had told her removing the device would result in Don’s death. They were protecting themselves. I would have insisted on that had I been the hospital’s attorney. I consideredbut quickly rejectedthe idea of making sure she knew that.
She knew it!
I told her the document was fine for her to sign.
She paused for a few seconds, then signed.
She started to walk out, but I stopped to hand the doctor a sticky note with my cell number. “I’m Toni’s attorney. Could you text me when Don dies? I think I should be there to tell her.”
Another example of attorneys getting surprising cooperation from other professionals.
We walked out to my car, and I opened the door for her. As I drove back to her house, she was sobbing. I put my hand on her arm.
“That was a brave thing you did, but I’m sure it’s what Don wanted.”
“I know. It was just awful to have to do it.”
When we got to her home, I stopped at the door.
“Toni, thank you again for dinner. Please forget about helping me unpack tonight. You need rest.”
“Actually, what I need is to not be alone. I think helping you might be therapeutic tonight.”
“Ok, but if you aren’t handling it…”
She smiled. “What, you gonna send me home?”
“I might just do that,” I said while laughing.
“Well, come on then. We’re wasting time talking.”
Out the door she went, across the lawns, as I followed. My phone chimed. It was the text from the doctor.
When we got to my door, she had to stop, because I had the key. I put my arms around her.
“Toni, the doctor just texted me to let me know Don passed away about 15 minutes ago.”
She put her head on my chest for a couple of minutes, quietly crying.
“Well, I actually feel better now that his ordeal is over. Thanks Tony.”
Within a few minutes she had refreshed her memory about the house, asked about my plans for the two bedrooms (not counting the master), and had made a few notes on a yellow pad she found on my dining room table.
She was a beehive of organization. She opened each box and asked where the contents went. If the box was light, she took it. She had me moving constantly. Within 45 minutes all the boxes were at least in the correct room.
“Tony, would you unlock your phone so I can enter my number? Then I’ll text my phone, so I have yours. What’s your last name?”
“Lambert.”
“Like Lambert Construction, that Lambert?”
“Yeah. That Lambert.”
“I thought you were an attorney.”
“I was. I never got to the point of what happened. I think I just told you about Dad. His dementia.”
“So what happened?”
“Are you sure you want this tonight?”
“Yes. I do. I want to know more about you.”
“We learned much later Dad had Alzheimer’s. Mom and Dad came to me to break the news. I’m an only child. Dad had a succession plan, but the man he had prepared to take over was hired away the year before. He had no one.
“Mom and Dad begged me to take over the company. I had worked there every summer since I was 16. Even during my undergraduate and law school years, so I knew the business well.”
“So you did it? You’re running Lambert Construction?”
“Yeah. I am. I was 26 years old when I took the job.”
“How old are you now?”
“I just turned 34. Dad died two years later. He left Mom with 25% of the company stock and a life insurance payout of $750,000. She’s in good shape financially, and she’s only 60.
“I own the other 75% of the stock, so my income has shot up in the last few years.”
“It sounds like you’ve managed it well.”
“I’ve built a good team. They get the credit. They’re the ones doing the work. What I did is built a structure that rewards them financially when the company succeeds. They’ve bought in.”
“Did you take less income to make that possible?”
“Yes. I knew in the long run I’d make more that way.”
“Smart man. Tony, can I ask a nosy question?”
“I think, given all you and I have been through today, you can ask anything you want!”
“Why are you single? Is that too nosy?”
“Well… ” I paused, unsure of how to start. “I thought I would be married by now. I dated a girl for two years. Ashley. We lived together for 18 months of that. I wanted to marry her. I really did.”
Now I was the one with tears!
“I made a mistake. Every time she hinted at marriage, I told her I thought we should wait until this or that milestone. Until I got my team in place. Until I made sure Mom was cared for. Until this and until that. She finally got mad and broke up with me.”
I was wiping away tears. “This is some kind of ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ day, isn’t it”
“That’s ok, Tony. I’m glad you were there for me today. Maybe my shoulder can be yours to cry on. How long ago did Ashley leave?”
“Two years ago.”
“Any chance of getting back together?”
“Not unless she murders or divorces her husband.”
“Oh my. We don’t want that!”
We both laughed. Then sat there quietly.
“I held off buying a bedroom set, because I figured Ashley would want to pick one out. The day I got her wedding announcement, I went out and bought a set.”
“I saw itit’s a nice set! You have good taste.”
“Yeah, I guess. Just stupidity when it comes to girlfriends.
“There was other furniture I wanted to replace, knowing her taste was probably better than mine. I’ve got some treasures I’ll donate somewhere now. I can sure afford it.”
“Look, maybe it wouldn’t have happened anyway. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, whatever that means. You’re a major catch. You need to know that.”
“It’s hard to meet eligible woman. I’m not at all interested in the bar scene, and I don’t dare date one of the employees of the company! That’s a ual harassment suit waiting to be filed.”
Silence again.
“Tony, you met me, and you didn’t have to go to a bar.
“You may think of me as too oldI understand if you doI’m 45. Maybe we could get to know each other, and not even date, or at least not call it dating. Just spend time as neighbors. I need a friend, and I think you do, too.”
“I do, and you should know I thought you were about 38 when you came over this morning. Since you don’t look old enough to be my mother, I’m fine with our age difference.”
“You really thought thatI mean about my age?”
“That’s the honest truth. That’s what I thought.”
“Thank you!”
“Well, I’m just telling the truthbut thanks for all your help with my boxes tonight. It’s been one of the most interesting days of my life!”
“I’m glad I was part of such a weird day! Tony, I can’t begin to thank you enough for going with me to the hospital. I just couldn’t face that alone. That was kind of you to be there, hardly knowing me.”
“I’m a soft touch for a crying woman. Especially one who has a damned good reason to cry.”
She put her arms around me. I held her tightly as well.
“Is it alright if we just stand here and hug for a few minutes?”
“I’d like that. You need it.”
“I do.”
ero
