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Author’s note: This is a slow burn romance series. Please be patient, because some of the chapters are less erotic than others.
Chapter 8
Popcorn ceilings… they’re ugly but they were popular at one time because they covered flaws and created sound barriers. Though I lived in what was considered a luxury condo, my bedroom still had one of those ugly old popcorn ceilings. I had never paid much attention to it, but after that fateful day… it was all I stared at. I practically counted every bump over my head.
Several days past, but in my bed was where I remained. Over and over, I replayed what happened that day; The day I lost two people I didn’t even realize were important to me. I lost my Fiancée, and the respect of my best employee.
The damage I had done to these women was irreparable. No popcorn ceiling could cover up the chaos I had created. The ugliness inside me had been exposed, and while one woman was brave enough to point it out, the other simply walked out of my life with her head held high. Both instances hurt, but both women deserved better than me.
I didn’t make it to work that next day. I called the regional manager and let him know that I wasn’t feeling well. My employees probably carried on like they normally did. They had lost respect for me a long time ago. I was just too stupid to notice until Alana pointed it out.
I didn’t know who was in charge while I was gone, and I didn’t really care. The office and my career felt so insignificant to me for the first time. My company would be fine, whether I was there or not. However, the women whose lives I had ruined would not be okay, because they had to live with the scars of my failures.
Slowly, one day turned into two, and two turned into three. Before I knew it, I had missed an entire week of work. I just couldn’t seem to get myself out of bed. All I could do was lie on my back and stare up at the ceiling, counting all the bumps of popcorn in front of my eyes.
For the first time, now that I wasn’t focusing on work, I actually had a moment to think about my life. I thought about the reasons I had worked so hard and pushed myself during my career. I even thought about why I became so successful and bought this luxury condo.
It was all for show… This was my way of telling the world I was happy, when I really never was. This was my way of lying to myself, and pretending I was better off after my divorce because I didn’t want a relationship anyway. All of it was wrong. It was all a lie.
Unfortunately, it took someone like Alana to point out my dark truth and make me face the realities of my own issues. My exhusband cheated on me a long time ago, and I had blamed it on everyone but him. Knowing that he found comfort in other women made me feel like a failure. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough; like I didn’t give him a reason to want me only.
What the divorce meant to me was so much more than losing my abusive husband. It was a symbol that I failed the marriage, and I wasn’t able to keep him happy. Many had doubts about our relationship from the very beginning, and I was embarrassed that I had proven them right.
I blamed the other women for my husband’s unfaithfulness, like they had any clue about me. They were the ones with the unfortunate lives, having to deal with people like my ex, just to make ends meet. And then I was even stupid enough to take my anger for myself out on others, just because they were from the same continent as these women.
Obviously, I was depressed. Who wouldn’t be after getting completely devastated by the hands of an innocent girl like Alana? However, what left me with an even more sinking feeling was the question that I now faced within myself.
What is it that I really want in life?
Until now, my only motivation was to appear successful in the eyes of the public. I wanted others to think I was doing great, when an actuality, I was haunted by my own demons that I placed on others.
While I was alone with my thoughts, I could at least point out one thing that made me happy. Instead of giving me hope, however, it only added to the depression because my actions had already destroyed this part of my life.
The only time I had ever felt happy was when I was with Juri. Sure, I kept her a secret from the world, but it was the fact that I could let my guard down with her that truly brought me peace. Yes, Juri was staying at my condo, but it was her presence that made it feel like a home.
I realized if I could do it all over again, I would have loved to explore this genuine joy she brought into my life. Only time could have written the of whether we would have actually been happy together, once the language barriers and all the baggage I brought to the table had been sorted out.
Unfortunately, I had destroyed that opportunity, and now I would never know. Juri had stopped answering her phone, so we couldn’t even communicate anymore. For all I knew, she had already gotten on a plane and went back to her home in Japan to live a better life than I could have ever provided her.
Now, I was left not only with the sadness of what I had done to her, but also the knowledge of losing the opportunity of finding that same happiness with her. And as I remained in bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling, I could only ask myself, What now?
What now? was the question on my mind because none of my past motivations mattered any longer. All I could do was accept the horrible human that I was and move forward with my life, hoping not to bring any further pain to those who didn’t deserve it.
Eventually, I made my return to the office sometime the next week. Not understanding where my priorities were anymore, I just sort of waltzed in one day, much to the surprise of my staff.
You could hear a pin drop as everyone laid their eyes on me and watched as I walked in slowly with my head down. Normally, I was the one to arrive first, but since I didn’t even care about my career any longer, I just sort of showed up whenever I felt like it that morning.
Another thing I no longer cared about was the way I looked. My hair was all disheveled and I didn’t even put on any makeup that day. I at least put on a decent outfit, but other than that, it was as if I just rolled out of bed and hopped straight into the car.
The only place I stopped on my way to work was Starbucks, but it actually wasn’t for me. Alana would normally bring me coffee, but since she didn’t expect me to be at work, I assumed she didn’t make her normal stop. She probably wouldn’t have brought me coffee anyway, given how upset she was at me, but I figured I should pay her back at least once before we eventually went our separate ways.
With the coffee in hand, I made my way towards the normally quiet intern’s desk near the back. The other women quickly recovered from the shock of seeing me and attempted to greet me with their unimportant chatter, saying, “How have you been, Karina?” and, “We missed you!”
I simply ignored all the fake pleasantries and continued on my way towards Alana, who appeared as if she didn’t even want to look at me, and rightfully so. Not expecting her to address me back, or even show any appreciation, I mumbled in a dull voice, “This is for you,” before placing the cup on her desk.
As I attempted to walk away, without another word exchanged between us, a curious expression came over her face as she glanced at the cup. “Uh… what is this?” she asked, inspecting the drink.
“It’s… um… a vanilla latte…” I answered, coming to a quick stop. “I don’t know what you like, but I thought it sounded good… I can go back if you’d rather have something else.”
“No, that’s okay…” she responded hesitantly, staring at the drink. “I like vanilla lattes… so… thank you…”
Oblivious to anything that had happened between Alana, myself and Juri, a couple of the others who were confused by my gesture, decided to chime in, joking, “Where are our drinks, Karina?”
I wasn’t in the mood to explain why I only brought Alana coffee, nor did I want to waste the effort of coming up with a response. Instead, I simply ignored their questions before walking into my private office and closing the door, leaving everyone else silent.
As I closed the door behind me, I realized I was in my most comfortable state. Now that I didn’t have Juri, I only wanted to be alone. The difference between my office and my bedroom, where I was used to being alone, was that I had other things to distract me besides my popcorn ceiling.
Still carrying no emotions in my eyes, I just stared blankly at the screen as I went through the documents that had been submitted in my absence. Some of them still needed my approval before being sent to the regional manager. Instead of skimming through them quickly, like I normally did, I actually took the time to read over them carefully, because I had nothing better to do.
Though it didn’t come as the biggest surprise, I was still quite astounded by the number of mistakes my employees made. This wasn’t a sign of them not knowing what they were doing. It was more of an indication of carelessness, probably brought on by my poor leadership.
I thought back to the days before I was a supervisor, when I was in their shoes. I, of course, was selfmotivated, not needing any push from my bosses to complete my assignments correctly. However, though I showed the most effort, the entire staff seemed to work diligently because they had a supervisor who was worthy of respect.
Somehow, during my time as supervisor, I forgot what was most important, and only focused on my appearance. Instead of continuing with my diligent work ethic, I allowed the others to walk over me because I wanted to be liked. I also figured it would make them believe I was a good boss, but that didn’t seem to be the case with people who were willing to take advantage of me, given the opportunity.
Fortunately, as I sat there evaluating the poor work that reflected on my own disaster of a job, I tried to think of ways to fix the issues I had created. It wasn’t that I was suddenly motivated or anything. With me no longer caring for others’ opinions, I was just ready to do what was best for me, since I knew my employees definitely wouldn’t.
The biggest issues came from one of the usual suspects, Paula. Her reports were not only done in the wrong format, but they were missing so many little details that it appeared as if she put no effort into them at all. I had been so distracted with my own pathetic life that I never paid attention to her documents unless the regional manager brought them up. Even then, I would just fix the mistakes for her.
Though Paula was the worst, it wasn’t like most of my other employees were void of their own issues. It was definitely a reflection of my own inadequacies, but I could also accept that they just weren’t the best workers. I thought that was true with all of them… everyone except… Alana.
As the young intern popped into my mind, there was suddenly a knock at the door, startling me. When I advised whoever it was to come in, to my surprise, it was indeed Alana, with her normally timid self, entering my office.
For once, I didn’t have a reaction to her entering my office. I normally rolled my eyes, but at this point, I didn’t feel anything. I just glanced at her and asked, “Yes, ma’am?”
“Ma’am?” she reacted, raising her eyebrows again. “You’re calling me ma’am now?”
I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. “What do you need, Alana?”
She stood there for a second, staring at me with a perplexed look on her face. It was like she was mad at me, but didn’t know how to express herself. Instead, she just responded, “You’re acting differently today… Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said, still showing no emotion. “I just thought about a lot of the stuff you said… and you were right… So… I’m sorry for being such an awful person to you.”
I suppose the direct approach caught her off guard because she almost jumped back at my statement. However, before showing any signs that she appreciated my apology, she quickly got herself back together and put a frown on her face.
“You don’t really think I’ll forgive you, just because you bought me coffee, do you?”
“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me,” I said, letting out a sigh as I thought about the way my actions had affected the poor woman. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your respect. But… I’ll at least try to be a good boss and treat you fairly while you still work here.”
There was a myriad of emotions on her face, some of which showed appreciation for my actions, and some of which were still filled with rage and sadness. Unfortunately for her, before she could give me a response, my office phone rang, and I was forced to answer it.
“It’s my regional manager,” I said to Alana as I held the phone in my hand. “Will you please excuse me?”
Hesitantly, the timid intern walked out of the office and slowly closed the door. I could see her eyes on me the entire time.
She was confused, and didn’t know what to say to me. I just accepted that she would tell me what she needed to say whenever she was ready. I was willing to accept whatever it was, good or bad, but for now, I had an important meeting regarding my employees’ work.
***
Not that I really cared or anything, but after the discouraging meeting I had with my regional manager, I decided it was time to finally put my foot down. With a document in hand, I stepped out of the office and made my way to Paula’s desk, drawing everyone’s eyes towards us.
“What’s up, Karina?” she asked, looking up at me as if she didn’t have a single care in the world.
“That last report you submitted to me… it’s all wrong,” I said in a monotone voice. I then placed my own document on her desk and continued, “Here’s an example of how it’s supposed to be formatted. Also, I need you to add more notes, and references are supposed to go at the bottom.”
“Whoa, Karina,” she started, almost laughing at me for daring to challenge her. “You’ve never had an issue with my documents before. What’s up with you all of a sudden?”
“I’ve always had a problem with them, and so has the regional manager. I just gave up on telling you to fix it, so I started fixing it for you. But I’m not doing that for you anymore. It’s your job; you need to do it yourself.”
“Why are you pretending to be such a hardass all of a sudden?”
“I’m not being a hardass. I’m just asking you to do your job, Paula.”
She then rolled her eyes before pretending to brush me away with her hand. “I’ve already submitted an acceptable document and I’m working on my next assignment. I’m not going to redo it and fall behind just because you suddenly want to be nitpicky.”
Although I should have been upset by the way she was acting disrespectfully towards me, I was so emotionless that it didn’t really bother me. Instead, I just grabbed the document back and advised that I no longer needed her help that day.
“I gave you instructions and you refused to follow them,” I said, still wearing that deadpan face. “Since I don’t trust you to do your assignments correctly, just leave and we can try again tomorrow.”
The tension in the room started to rise as everyone stared at us, wondering what would happen next. I’m sure a few of them thought I was bluffing, since they had never seen me act like this before. However, I stood my ground and waited for Paula to give me a response.
Not knowing how to react during the awkward moment, Paula finally let out a nervous laugh before regaining her composure. “You’re sending me home just because I didn’t do the assignment the right way? That sounds more like a reward than a punishment, don’t you think?”
“I don’t care how you view it,” I suggested, standing there with my arms folded. “I just can’t have you working on these documents anymore. So, pack up your bags and leave the office. You’re becoming a distraction to the other employees.”
Slowly, her eyes grew big as she realized the severity of the situation. It finally clicked in her brain that I wasn’t joking with her at all. I meant what I said, and I was no longer accepting any of her bullshit.
“But… but… what’s going to happen with my assignments?” she asked, sounding more timid by the second. “Wouldn’t it be worse if they weren’t completed at all?”
“I’ll just assign your tasks to someone who can handle them,” I suggested before turning around and walking away from her. “If I can’t get anyone to do them right, I’ll just do them myself. And if that happens, then your position won’t be necessary anymore.”
While she was left there, stunned into silence, I took a quick glance around at the other employees, who all had shocked expressions on their faces. “That goes for all of you too,” I warned, hardly showing any emotion. “Do your assignments correctly. Is that understood?”
For the first time in as long as I could remember, all my employees collectively responded, “Yes, ma’am.” I nodded my head, still showing no joy in my face before walking towards Alana’s desk.
As the intern stared at me with those scared eyes she used to show before she found out I was such a pathetic bitch, I handed her the example sheet and asked, “Can you handle Paula’s assignments for the day?”
Practically shaking, she nodded her head at me and responded, “I’ll try…”
I glared into her brown eyes, searching for that confidence I saw the other day when she called me out for my horrendous acts. In that moment, I needed her to be the employee that I knew she could be.
“If you run into any problems, let me know and I’ll help you,” I instructed, before turning and heading back to my office.
***
The rest of the day went smoothly, even after my showcase of power. Without any further encouragement, all my employees completed their assignments for the day in record time. Even more surprising, all documents were formatted correctly, and I didn’t have much correcting to do before sending them off to my boss.
Surprisingly, Paula entered my office, after asking for permission, and begged me for an opportunity to prove herself. However, I stayed strong, and stuck to my demands. She then declared that she would do a better job the next day, and that I would never have another problem out of her before leaving, just like I had instructed.
The only other person that entered my office was Alana. The first couple of times, she just had questions over minor details that she wasn’t familiar with. I helped her by explaining whatever processes she needed.
Not only did she seem grateful, but she appeared quite impressed. I suppose since I never took the opportunity to teach her before, she wasn’t aware of how knowledgeable I became when I worked my way up through the ranks.
The final time that she stepped into myoffice that day wasn’t for a question on her assignments, but rather another dilemma. Looking timid once again, twiddling her fingers, she asked, “Miss Ortiz… since I wasn’t expecting all these assignments, may I leave? This is the time I normally get off work. But I can stay later if you really need me to…”
After realizing the issue I had caused, I looked up at the clock and shrugged my shoulders before addressing the intern. “I guess that wasn’t fair how I dropped so many assignments on you. You can go ahead and leave. You did enough today. We’ll just finish up the rest tomorrow.”
For the first time since that fateful day, I saw excitement in someone’s eyes that I had provided. It wasn’t something that brought me joy on that particular day. All I had done was provide Alana what she already deserved. No healing had taken place from me simply granting someone’s request.
I was ready for her to leave so I could be alone with my own thoughts again. However, just as she reached for the doorknob, she came to a complete stop.
ero
